For Every Friend

Maintaining friendships is a daunting task, which is why we seem to leave so many friends behind at each stage of our lives. When we are young, it is the switching from schools – elementary to junior high to high to college to graduate – that often changes our personal milieu and with that our friends. Sometimes we travel equal distances, but to different places – you may head to the west to pursue your doctorate in construction engineering and I may travel east to get my law degree. Other times you travel further than I, or not as far. It is each of these changes that leads us down a slightly different path than that of even our best of friends who, at one time long ago in elementary school, dreamed the same dreams.

With that said, I recently read a New York Times blog post titled, “The Referendum,” which elaborates one what I’ve said above, but hits on a slightly different point – that by middle age we resent one another for making different decisions than us. The idea that we are all rational beings (interested only in our own self-advancement and happiness) has long since been shot to hell, either because we are not rational or because the success of others can, honestly, increase our own well being. I hope that the reason is a little of each.

The one sentence from the aforementioned post that most resonates with me is a James Salter quote that reads as follows:

For whatever we do, even whatever we do not do prevents us from doing its opposite. Acts demolish their alternatives, that is the paradox.

Accepting this, and I believe we must or risk being reactionary beings, is absolutely necessary to moving forward in life. If we do not live believing that with each door that opens we must close one, then we can not advance our work, family, or individual existences. Years ago, a family friend commented that one of the most daunting obstacles upon graduation from high school is having to close doors for the first time in our lives. It is the first time when we are forced to make a major decision – to go to college? and what college? For the now lucky many, college is a reality they must choose. But the demolition does not stop with choosing a major. In the long run, that is as insignificant as one’s grade school GPA. Yet in the present, every minute detail matters so much that, if we look back and see a discrepancy between our decision and that of our friends, then it is impossible not to feel something – anything at all – be it positive or negative. (Cite)

I hope for the sake of my future middle-aged self that I am not as rational as my economics degree would have me be and that I make enough “right” decisions to be satisfied with who I am when I look across the table at my old friends at reunions, tailgates, etc.

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Chris

Attorney & Amateur Golfer

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