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  • I Will Forge On

    The following quote by Clint Eastwood got me thinking about stuff that I’ve been thinking about more lately than before.

    My father died very suddenly at sixty-three. Just dropped dead. For a long time afterward, I’d ask myself, Why didn’t I ask him to play golf more? Why didn’t I spend more time with him? But when you’re off trying to get the brass ring, you forget and overlook those little things. It gives you a certain amount of regret later on, but there’s nothing you can do about it. So you just forge on. (link)

    I feel like this a lot lately. Not just with my father, but with my mother, sister, and friends. Even the dogs. Life passes so quickly that I often find it difficult to keep up. I wish there were 48 hours in each day so that I could call home more often, play an extra round of golf, or just shoot the shit with the people that mean the most to me.

    We traveled a lot when I was a kid. We went to Disney World, out West on a train, skiing at Vail, and many other places. I see now, more than ever, how difficult it is (and how much more difficult it is becoming despite cell phones, skype, IM, etc.) to keep in touch – to get people together – to squeeze in a round of golf between school, work, travel, and whatever else occupies my time.

    Grand plans are nice, but not required. Activities that were once trivial now create some of my most cherished memories. It is the short sunny hikes, silent hours on the couch, grabbing a quick beer, or riding into town that give me a chance to catch up. I rarely have much to say, but it’s nice just to be there. To be with family. To be around friends. It is in doing things with these people that I prove my lonely stubbornness wrong and find meaning in my life.

    I do forge on, Clint. But I also wake up each morning wondering if I’m making enough of an effort. If I’m talking enough. If I’m doing enough. If I’m headed in the right direction. If… if… if… And these “ifs” will forever remain. There will seldom be definite answers. But I think that is okay because in the end I’ll have definite memories, too. I’ll forge on with my definite memories held closer than most other things I cherish. Those memories will comfort me that I did enough, and that although I could have done more, I am so fortunate to have the memories I do have.

  • Dogs I’ve Grown Up With

    Sunshine the Irish setter.

    Rosi the cockapoo.

    Izzy the labradoodle.

  • Stream of Chris

    This is from the archive, but I want to put it here so I don’t have to save it elsewhere. I used to have this in the sidebar of my blog. Then I took it down. Now, it’ll live on here. It’s just random stuff I thought of while working my job back in 2005.

    STREAM OF CHRIS

    history-cide
    speed of the puma strength of the bear (ben)
    99 degree therma core raises body heat
    time senstitive means junk mail
    how to be boring by npr: soft talk, monotone, stupid questions
    country clubs make me want to make money
    make a short film – 10 to 15 minutes
    communal back brushes should not exist
    the art of golf – it isn’t easy to learn to hit a high fade or low draw, etc on demand.
    driving by ex gf’s house. before you knew it. while you knew it. after you knew it. the shell, filled with the same people but different lives.
    it’s like november in your apartment
    north american strong man association
    how to describe hot to unwrap a drinking straw
    that’s rediculous
    that guy, the girl
    good news vs. negativity
    learning to respect money
    two baseball leagues or one?
    write stories about pictures in house
    who doesn’t want to be creative?
    wedding ring or 18?
    peninsula cremation story.
    spontaneous panels
    send links to friends once a week
    i <3 sarah silverman remake a minute 60 times. or daily. oregon trail. remember? there's nothing wrong with falling. wait, i mean failing. old friends... who initiates the hug? cache cliche blind drawings

  • My Last First Day

    Today was my last first day of law school, which started at 8:30am with Business Entities Taxation. The professor was 15 minutes late, which gave me time to order the third book in the Twilight series on Borders.com. (The book was actually sold out in the store!) Fifteen minutes late is not bad considering some of the roads around Concord right now. It snowed eight inches two nights ago and the city and residents are still struggling to find places to shovel it. Sidewalks won’t exist until late spring. “For Rent” signs are a no longer visible, not that they were of any help to me when I was apartment hunting three days ago. But, I’m situated now, so all is well and good. I’ll be spending the final months of my law school career in what will hopefully pass for a closet in my future. My room is two long paces by three long paces. It has wood paneling, which no matter how much I strive to move away from, keeps coming back to comfort me. Moving around and living in such a small room has made me realize what I actually need. I’ve boiled down my “necessary” possessions to a few pairs of pants, a handful of t-shirts and sweaters and a coat. My computer and TV distract me when necessary, and the few books I keep in my room are dry textbooks I’ve been required to buy for classes. All of this “stuff” would fit in my trunk, and is far less than I ever took when I shipped off to college. My point: I like less stuff over more stuff. It’s easier to manage at this point in my life.

    There is a great deal ahead of me this semester. Mostly work. Some fun. And, eventually, goodbyes to friends and to Concord, New Hampshire. The later of which I’ve enjoyed, but have not taken advantage of enough. I’ve spent too much time reading, studying and worrying and not enough time hiking and exploring. Especially lately. I hope to change that (a little) this semester. I spent an hour walking around in the finger-numbing cold weather today shooting pictures of the city. I plan on doing more of this.

    Along with Business Entities Taxation I’ll have Environmental Law, Copyright Licensing, Estate Planning and hopefully International and Comparative Copyright Law. Most of these classes have very low enrollment, which is good (no curve) and bad (more class exposure). I’ll reserve final judgment until I’ve had a few of each of the classes, but right now I am most excited about Estate Planning. It is a follow up to Wills, Trusts and Estates, which I enjoyed very much (read: did well in!). Further, I am starting to see some focus to my studies. Two and a half years in, I seem to have gravitated towards business planning-type courses, estate planning, and some tax. I’ve taken my share of soft IP courses, too, but have more difficulty imagining focusing my practice on that area of law and think of them more as informative knowledge that will help me be a more versatile lawyer.

    Besides classes and taking pictures I have the very daunting task of deciding where to go after law school. I’ve written about this before and will write about it again. Job? Bar? Location? One of these things will dictate the other three. It’ll come together.

    More soon regarding my final months of law school. I’ve always liked and overused the following T.S. Eliot quote:

    What we call the beginning is often the end
    And to make an end is to make a beginning

    Law school may be ending, but there’s more than enough ahead to keep me happy and full. I look forward to the challenges I face and hope to have the courage to pursue my dreams.

  • OneWord: Week of Dec. 29

    I shovel gravel until my back nearly breaks. My skin is dry and splitting from the high sun. I would do anything for water. Anything. Anything. (gravel)

    Loan me the memory that I have long forgotten. Remind me of her hurried walk and nervous disposition. And when I start to fall in love, again, with this fragile and harried woman from my past, rescind the loan and revoke my rights. (loan)

    He applied the bandage to the paper cut. How foolish he had been to flip so quickly from page seventy-four to page one thousand and twenty-three. Who does that! He knew better. If only his mother was here. She would tell him… (bandage)

  • Movie: Marley and Me

    Be loyal.
    Be enthusiastic.
    Be happy.
    Be selfless.
    Be a dog to the people you love most.

  • Bravery in Love and Life

    I came across the following quote by Marianne Williamson, author of The Gift of Change, on Julia Allison’s tumblr. My response below was originally posted on my tumblr and I’ve copied it here for personal reference.

    I don’t look back on my earliest forays into romance and think, ‘Oh, but that was only puppy love.’ Rather, I look back and think how courageously we loved, before we knew what there was to be afraid of; how strong we were, before any other agendas stood in the way of our love; and how pure our hearts were, when they were not yet tainted by cynicism or doubt. The older we are, the more we know some things; the younger we are, the more we know others. Age only makes us smarter if we retain our bravery.

    I completely agree with this quote, but I think the concepts of “staying brave” and not letting age get in the way (or be an excuse) can be extrapolated beyond the reaches of romance.

    I am finding myself once again at a point in my life where I have to make some big decisions. E.g., where to take the bar, where to live, and where to work. These decisions are interdependent almost to the point that I only have one decision to make. If anyone of them falls into place, then the others are mostly irrelevant. That is the harsh downside to attempting to be a practicing lawyer.

    For whatever reason I am not drawn to a specific area of law or a specific area of the country. I am far from apathetic, and this relates closely to my first resolution of 2009 – too be more decisive and more critical. There should be a reason for what I want that outweighs my complacency. My life will live itself, but it won’t go as I wish if I don’t steer it.

    This is where being brave comes in. The decisions come at a cost and I am going to have to be brave – fearless at times – and go out and get what I want from this world. I’ve been incredibly fortunate thus far, but it is time to stake my claim on what exactly I want from life – to take up my space in this world – to breath deeply the air that is here for me to breath. (High five to self!)

    So, off I go into 2009 with a renewed approach. To be in the moment. To be willing to break out of my comfort-zone and to get going with my life. To love and live courageously every single day of 2009 and beyond.

    P.S. – Yes, this is cliche-ridden. I’m okay with that for now. Ha.